stir-fried leafy greens

now that you feel all awesome and self-satisfied about voting (if you're in america, of course. and if you voted - DID YOU?!), you can keep the momentum going by making some healthy vitaminlicious greens for dinner. treat. yo. self.

this is a very basic method that works for all kinds of greens, although the more tender ones like baby spinach or something will take less time than the more brawny specimens. 

we went to the local asian market the other day to get things like japanese curry powder (to finally make katsu kare from scratch!) and pocky. pocky and gummy fruit candies are very necessary, particularly if you're being good and eating your greens.

i feel a little weird saying "asian market," because obviously asia is a gigantic continent with many different cultures and foods. however, this particular market, while leaning mostly toward vietnamese and chinese food (the japanese curry powder was in the "foreign foods" section), bills itself as the "premier asian grocery" of central texas, so whatever, haters. 

we also loaded up on frozen things like edamame and tofu skin (apparently you can make noodley things with it?) and lots of produce, like the adorable and tiny indian eggplants below (that's a reference quarter at the bottom - so tiny!). 

i got a ton of greens and greens-like things, because there's so much more variety than you find at typical supermarkets. the only problem is that they need to be eaten fairly quickly, so i've definitely been getting my nutrients this week. we got little baby bok choys, chinese broccoli (like broccoli rabe, but less bitter/spicy), yu choy (pictured below), and amaranth greens (which are pretty and delicious). 

i hadn't had yu choy before, but it's sort of like bok choy mixed with chinese broccoli. and it has pretty yellow flowers. to stir fry it, i used the basic template i almost always use with greens, which can be dressed up if you're going for the flavors of a particular cuisine.

the basic form is to cook lots of minced garlic and some chili flakes for about 30 seconds in some pretty hot oil, then add the greens and a little liquid and let things cook until the greens are tender (5-10 minutes, depending on heartiness). then if you're making southern-style greens, for instance, you could add some chopped bacon or smoked paprika and diced onion to the garlic/chili flakes mix.

in this case, i wanted to go more chinese in style, so i used about 2/3 garlic to 1/3 minced fresh ginger and added some soy sauce as the greens were cooking. once everything was just about done, i added some leftover cooked rice, toasted sesame seeds, a bit of rice wine vinegar and a little sesame oil.

when you're cooking something with relatively thick stems like this, it's a good idea to put the stem parts in first, let them cook a bit, then add the leaves. that way nothing gets too overcooked. in this case, i just chopped the yu choy into ~1 1/2 - 2 inch sections from the bottom of the stems up through the leaves. i added the stems to the hot pan after the garlic, ginger and chili flakes were getting nice and toasty and let them cook (with a tablespoon or two of water) for a minute or two before adding the leaves and a bit more water. then just let things cook until the greens are tender - this took about 7 or 8 minutes. it's not a big deal if it's not all perfectly separated into stems and leaves, though - think broad strokes.

this is a super-easy and very quick (going from washing the yu choy to eating it took about 10 minutes) and incredibly healthy. it's just what we all need to keep from worrying ourselves sick over this election. fingers crossed!

*ingredients*
~ 1 pound greens (yu choy, bok choy, kale, spinach, mustard, chard - ALL the greens are good)
5 - 6 cloves of garlic, minced
~ 1 - 2 tablespoons of minced ginger (i used a coin about a centimeter thick and 1 inch in diameter)
big ol' pinch of chili flakes (to taste)
~ 3 tablespoons water
~ 1 1/2 tablespoons soy sauce/tamari
1 - 2 teaspoons rice wine (or other) vinegar

the rest is optional, but good:
lots of toasted sesame seeds
~ 1 teaspoon sesame oil
sriracha
garlic chili sauce
mustard (it's a little weird, but it works. for me.)
leftover rice
some kind of cooked tofu/chicken, etc.

listening to: new mountain goats album! (duh)

som tum - thai green papaya salad

this salad is one of my very favorite thai foods of all time, even though i normally hate papaya. fresh papaya is easily the worst-tasting fruit i have ever had. it should be banned from polite society. NEVER SMELL IT you will be so sorry you did.

i probably would never have even ordered this if i hadn't somehow gotten it into my head that it was made with green mango, which seemed fine to me. mango, after all, is not manufactured somewhere in the depths of hades.

by the time i realized my mistake, it was too late. not wanting to waste food, i figured i'd at least try it. i was surprised to discover that it was delicious - fiery, salty, sweet, and sour in all the very best ways. plus peanuts! papaya haters, don't let the terrible evil taste of the fresh stuff put you off - this doesn't taste anything like that.

it snowed today in portland. it was lovely, but it quickly melted. now it's plain old slushy and cold. although it might seem like perfect weather for something roasty or stewy, the bright crisp flavors of this salad made it seem a little warmer and more cheery.

i found the papaya at an asian market near our house. it was kind of a monster - it weighed like 2 1/2 pounds. i only ended up using half of it in the salad. i'm not sure what to do with the other half - wikipedia says it has lots of pectin - maybe a jam?

anyway, go ahead and peel the thing. it's pretty easy to peel - much easier than, say, a butternut squash.

cut it in half lengthwise, then admire the strange beauty of its seeds.

the seeds are edible, if somewhat odd. mike described them as tasting "kind of like mustard . . . and maybe burning plastic" but added that they were not unpleasant. i thought they tasted kind of like nasturtium - kind of peppery-mustardy-planty. i'm not sure what i'll do with these, but i found a recipe for a dressing that uses them and sounds kind of good.

now you can mix up the other salad ingredients and the dressing. i made quite a bit of dressing, because i like to eat the salad with rice so it's nice to have some extra dressing to soak into the rice a little. you could always dial down the proportions if you want it a little drier.

in a large bowl, mix 1/4 cup of turbinado or (more authentic) palm sugar, 1/4 cup (or a little less - it's strong) fish sauce, and the juice of one lime (around 1/4 cup).

mince/smash/grind one large clove of garlic. it would probably actually be a good idea to put a little sugar on the cutting board with the garlic - the crystals make it easier to grind the garlic up. here is a video by someone's grandpa to show you how to make it into kind of a paste.

add about 5 or 6 chopped scallions. i like to cut them on the bias a little because FANCY.

then you need some peppers. thai bird chilies are more traditional, but i used one of these red fresno ones, which was not hot, and one large jalapeño, which was middling hot.

slice them each pretty thinly. this salad is supposed to be quite spicy, so feel free to amp it up with some serranos or the like instead. i ended up putting in a few shakes of dried red pepper flakes as well.

the other two vegetables you need are green beans and tomatoes. long beans are traditional, green beans are totally fine, and haricots verts are delicious as well. i had some good frozen haricots verts at hand, so i thawed them and cooked them for a minute or so in a pan with a little shake of salt - just enough so that they weren't raw anymore.

i used halved grape tomatoes, but cherry ones would be fine also. there aren't a lot of good larger tomatoes around at this time of year, but in the summer some of the good heirloom ones would be aces in this.

mix the dressing, sliced peppers, scallions, garlic, beans, and tomatoes, then use a mandoline or julienne peeler to break down the papaya. i used a mandoline and it was a bit of a pain because the papaya is fairly unwieldy, but it isn't impossible by any means. if you have a peeler that juliennes, that is probably going to be easier. or you can grate it, but it won't be as pretty.

add the papaya and a handful of chopped cilantro to the bowl and you're basically done. it's good to make it a little bit before you want to eat it - i would let it sit for at least half an hour or so.

when you're just about to eat, top it with some roughly chopped roasted, salted peanuts. you don't want to put them on too early because they will get soggy and unattractive.

ta da! a little bit of southeast asia in the cold and wet northwest. this is so refreshing and delicious - you can eat it on its own or with some rice. it would be good alongside some tofu or with a hard-boiled egg or perfect as an accompaniment to fish sauce drumsticks.

it may seem like a lot of stuff, but it's mainly just a bit of prep and it's totally, totally worth it.

*ingredients*

1 small or 1/2 large papaya (about 1 - 1 1/2 pounds is probably good)

3/4 - 1 cup lightly cooked green beans, haricots verts, or long beans

12-15 grape or cherry tomatoes, halved

1/3 - 1/2 cup chopped cilantro

2 chili peppers, sliced (jalapeño, serrano, or thai - to taste)

5-6 scallions, sliced

1/3 - 1/2 cup roasted, salted peanuts

dressing:

1 garlic clove, minced/smashed into paste

1/4 cup fish sauce

1/4 - 1/3 cup turbinado, palm or regular cane sugar (+ more, to taste - i actually added another two tablespoons of regular sugar to the 1/4 cup turbinado because i ran out of turbinado and wanted it to be a little more sweet)

juice of 1 lime (~1/4 cup)

dried red chili flakes, to taste (may not be necessary - it depends on how hot your peppers are)

listening to: beach house, blouse (this video is crazy!), air

garlicky roasted cauliflower

lately i've been really frustrated with the gets-dark-at-4:30 part of living in the pacific northwest. now that i don't get home before 6, my only time to see the sun is during my lunch break. that means it's tough to get pictures of things for posting.

poor quality drawings from the computer's paint program are not exactly the same, but as those of us working for state agencies say, "good enough for government work!" (note: no one actually says that. state employees are incredibly dedicated and selfless individuals, clearly.)

you know how cauliflower is really gross when you eat it raw or boiled? well, it is. it's a little weird and sharp-tasting raw and once you boil or oversteam it, it gets all sulfur-y. no thanks. but when you roast it in a hot oven with chili flakes and garlic, it becomes another beast altogether - a pleasant and piquant taste sensation that i can't get enough of. if it helps, you could call it its french name - chou-fleur. that sounds fancy and perhaps tastier than boring old gross old cauliflower, aka the last vegetable on the tray when the dip runs out.

first, preheat the oven to 425. then cut a head of cauliflower into little florets. they don't have to be totally uniform in size, but you should aim for some degree of sameness. i usually cut the head in half, take out the stem part, then try to slice along its natural branches somewhat. then cut the bigger parts in halves or quarters - the more flat sides they have, the more delicious browning there will be (maillard reaction, ftw!).

then mince a good 4-5 cloves of garlic. you don't have to get them minutely small.

put the cauliflower chou-fleur on a large baking sheet with some chili flakes and perhaps a tablespoon or so of olive oil. stick it in the oven and let it go for 15 minutes or so.

after the 15 minutes, check to see if it's becoming brown. if so, go ahead and stir the florets around a little, so the other sides can get some heat. check it every 5-10 minutes after this and stir if it seems to need it. depending on how large the florets are (and how hot your oven actually is - those dudes can range pretty far afield from their nominal temperatures), it could take another 15 minutes or so.

when the little darlings are cooked through and nicely browned, add the garlic and let things cook for another 5 minutes or so, just so the garlic can get toasty and delicious without burning.

then lemon up the whole thing, add some salt and pepper, and eat up. this is good as a side for chicken or fish or with a couple of fried eggs on top and some crusty bread on the side. you can also add other flavorings, like thyme, za'atar, smoked paprika, etc. tossing some sesame seeds in when you add the garlic is not a terrible idea, either.

This method works well with brussels sprouts and broccoli, which are also among the poor maligned members of the brassica family. just cut them (brussels sprouts in halves or quarters) and roast away. green beans are also amazing done like this (especially the sad stringly green beans of fall). seriously, even if you think you don't like these guys, you will probably like this. also, none of these would be at all out of place at your thanksgiving repast.

*ingredients*

1 large head cauliflower

4-5 cloves garlic

chili flakes

salt & pepper

juice from 1/2 - 1 lemon

spicy carrot cake and a trip to arizona

i was on a plane last week! it went over mountains, which always makes me nervous, because whenever planes crash it seems to be over mountains. or the ocean. i guess i should be grateful we weren't over an ocean as well. anyway, we didn't crash, so it's sort of moot.

i made it safely to phoenix, which, no offense, is not one of my favorite cities. luckily i wasn't going to phoenix, though - i was going to prescott to surprise my dad for his birthday. my brother and i took the shuttle up and surprised him but good. unfortunately, we didn't do the whole jumping-and-bouncing-and-yelling-SURPRISE kind of surprise, but it's probably just as well because he isn't as young as he used to be. he's still pretty young, though.

see? he hikes! old people don't hike. he probably could have stood a more shouty surprise than he got, actually. oh well, next time. watch out, dad!

it snowed lots when we were there, which was exciting for me, since it's only snowed twice in portland in the last two years. it was very pretty.

i also got to meet the dog that they'd adopted since i last visited. isn't he the cutest?! i almost smuggled him home in my bag, but i refrained. it took some major strength of character to refrain, though, as you can imagine. plus, he is pocket-sized, so he is eminently portable. they would probably have missed him, though. and i already have three dogs, so i shouldn't be greedy, i guess.

we ate lots of nice things when we were there. my mom had a bunch of green cherry tomatoes that she wasn't doing anything in particular with, so i sliced some up, dredged them in flour with salt and pepper, and fried them. delicious! i liked the thinner crunchy layer better than the thick breading i've had on some fried green tomatoes. i think they were a success.

on the morning of my dad's birthday, they went on their daily constitutional and i made some hash with roasted root vegetables and leftover roasted salmon. the vegetables were carrots, purple potatoes, turnips, and onion. there were some beets in the original roastings, so everything was a delightful medley of pinks and oranges and purples. fancy!

i just sautéed the diced vegetables in a little olive oil and let the edges get a bit crunchy. then i added some salt and pepper, a little sour cream, and the salmon, just to let it warm up a bit. we ate it with over easy eggs and some ridiculously good biscuits made with my mom's sourdough starter. i didn't even know you could use sourdough for biscuits, but damned if they weren't fantastic. in case you have your own starter, i used this recipe. i just patted the dough down rather than rolling it out, though.

i used some more of the green tomatoes (and some ripe ones) to make some little tomato and sharp cheddar free-form tarts/galettes for the party that happened that evening. i cut the tomatoes super-thin and salted them and let them drain for a bit on paper towels so they weren't too watery. then i put them on top of the grated cheddar on little rounds of tart dough.

they look cute in the picture, but i wasn't crazy about the dough recipe i used. it had sour cream in it and when i baked them there was a lot of deflation and grease that i was not anticipating. i let them rest on paper towels, though, and they were eaten up quickly, but i don't know. i would use a different crust next time. i think the idea's solid, though, so if you have some tomatoes you don't know what to do with, it may be worth some experimentation.

here is the point of birthdays and, incidentally, this post - CAKE. i asked my dad what kind of cake he wanted and he sort of hemmed and hawed for awhile. he is very easygoing and i'm pretty sure he would like basically any kind of cake. finally i narrowed it down to spice cake or carrot cake and decided to combine the two.

for the basic recipe, i turned to good old epicurious, which has tons of recipes from gourmet (rip) and bon appetit (not my favorite, but sometimes okay), among other publications. i used this carrot cake with marmalade as a base recipe, since my dad loves marmalade. i made a few significant changes, however.

for one thing, my parents don't have any pans with which to make a layer cake, so i had to use a 13" x 9" one instead. i also lowered the sugar a little and added many more spices than the recipe called for. the actual recipe uses 2 teaspoons of cinnamon, but i also added about 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves, 1 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger, 1/2 teaspoon allspice, and a few grinds of black pepper. you can play around with the amounts - i think it could actually have stood up to even more in the way of spices. some fresh grated ginger would have been great as well. i also used pecans instead of walnuts and added more than were called for. they were in bigger chunks, too - i just crushed the pecan halves in my hands as i added them and used probably 1 1/3 cups or so in all.

because it was in the larger pan, it took longer to cook than the recipe states. i started checking it after 40 minutes, but it took a solid 50+ in all. you can tell it's done when you stick a knife or something in the center and it comes out clean. i think if you bake cakes with any degree of frequency you can kind of tell by feel and smell, too. if you press the middle down with your finger a bit and it bounces back rather than staying sunk in, it's done.

for the frosting, i used my go-to basic cream cheese frosting recipe/method - cream together 3 packages of softened cream cheese (a total of 24 ounces) and 1/2 stick (1/4 cup) of softened butter (i left the cream cheese and butter on the counter overnight to make sure it was soft enough). then add powdered sugar until it tastes sweet enough. i usually start with 3/4 of a cup or so, mix that in, then add 1/3 of a cup at a time, mixing in between until it's right. i like it to be on the not-as-sweet side, so i used probably a little over a cup in total. maybe 1 1/3. you also might want to add a little vanilla extract - 1 teaspoon or a little less.

once the cake is baked, let it cool in the pan on a rack. if you'd like, you could just frost it in the pan. that is the easiest method. you can also flip the cake out and frost it (fancier). i covered the whole cake with frosting, then put some in a plastic bag with a hole cut out of a corner and made a diamond pattern. then i filled alternating diamonds with finely chopped toasted pecans and marmalade. the marmalade is easiest to use if you heat it up first, so it's soft. then just dab it in the diamonds. pretty! i also put some chopped pecans along the edges for extra-fancy.

this would actually be a great addition to your thanksgiving table for those who eschew pie. i like some pies, myself, but if my choices were this or pumpkin, i would choose this every time. it has a lot of nice spicy fall flavors and colors and who doesn't like cream cheese icing? no one, that's who.

no trip to visit my folks would be complete without an obligatory dash down memory lane - it seems i used to be less particular about both sharing food with animals and my sartorial choices. although that shirt is sort of amazing, in a giant-lapeled, hideous color scheme sort of way...

*ingredients*

(adapted from epicurious.com)

2 cups flour

2 teaspoons baking soda

2 teaspoons baking powder

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger

1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

1/2 teaspoon ground allspice

~ 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

1/2 teaspoon salt

4 large eggs

3/4 cup vegetable oil (you could probably swap out some of this with applesauce, if you want to be healthyface)

1/2 cup sugar

2/3 cup brown sugar (i don't pack it - you can if you want)

1/2 cup orange marmalade (i used this one)

1/2 cup orange juice

3 cups lightly packed grated carrots (thanks for grating them, mom!)

1 1/3 cups crunched-up or chopped toasted pecans

frosting:

3 8oz containers cream cheese, softened (i've never noticed a difference using that lower-fat neufchatel cheese, so i usually do that)

1/2 stick (1/4 cup) butter, softened

1 - 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar, to taste

1 teaspoon vanilla

preheat the oven to 350. butter and flour a 13" x 9" pan. sift the dry ingredients (1st 8) together (or just put them in a bowl and whisk to get them mixed). in a separate bowl. mix the eggs, oil, sugars, marmalade, and orange juice. add this to the dry ingredients and stir/mix just until combined. then add the carrot and toasted pecans and mix a tiny bit until things are somewhat evenly scattered throughout.

pour into the pan and bake for 45-50+ minutes, until a knife or toothpick comes out clean or you can just tell it's done with your 6th sense of cakes. let it cool on a rack. then mix together the frosting ingredients, frost that puppy and eat it up! (singing happy birthday optional)

spicy-sweet carrot-ginger jam/chutney

carrot jam is wonderful.

you can have it on toast. you can have it in a cocktail. you can make it into salad dressing. you can do that thing where you put it all over some goat cheese or cream cheese, like people do with jalapeño jelly in texas.

whatever you want to do with it, make it today!

this is how i cut up the carrots. i used 6 medium-sized carrots, which made like 3 cups-worth when diced. something like that, anyway. but yeah, you should dice them up. or you could probably use a food processor or grater or even buy pre-grated ones, if you like. i like the texture of the diced ones, though, and felt like chopping, so i went old school with it.

this shows all the spices i used. i think it is barely legible if your eyes are young or your computer is large. however, you can also look at it here. it is much better and easier to read that way.

you definitely do not have to use all of these spices. if you have them all, great. otherwise, use what you have. i happened to have lots of ginger, so i used powdered, fresh, and crystallized. one could also just use one of these. also, instead of ras el hanout and za'atar, you could use more cumin and cinnamon and maybe some dry thyme and/or oregano. it won't be exactly the same, but it should still be good.

by way of measurement, it's more a proportional thing, but that's a pretty small plate, so it was about a teaspoon or so of the larger amounts of spices, and maybe a tablespoon and a half of the crystallized ginger and like 1/4 - 1/2 teaspoon of coriander. i also used 1/4 of a lemon, cut up into smallish pieces (skin and all) and 1/4 - 1/3 cup of brown sugar. finally, i put in a few grape tomatoes, cut in 1/4s (maybe 8 or 9 tomatoes).

the main point is that this can be as complicated as you want - if you just want to make it with a few spices and no tomatoes, i think it would still be good. you could also add dried fruit if you like that sort of thing.

so. once you have all of your stuff chopped up and your spices gathered, heat up a smidge of oil in a saucepan (medium heat). then add the garlic and fresh ginger, if you're using that. after 30 seconds or so, add the spices and let them toast for a few seconds. things will start smelling exciting and exotic.

then add the carrots, sugar, lemon, tomatoes, etc. also some water - enough to cover the other ingredients, but not too much more than that. turn up the heat until it boils, then turn it down to medium-low and let it cook, stirring occasionally, until the carrots are super tender and everything is nicely cooked down.

mine took a couple of hours or maybe an hour and a half or so. don't let this intimidate you though! it is mostly time in which you are not doing anything in particular with the carrots. you can watch an episode of murder, she wrote or read your new issue of sunset magazine or otherwise behave like an old lady. or you could do something hip. the old lady stuff's just what i did. you only have to stir it every 15 minutes or something. also you may need to add a little more water at times, if it is looking too dry. it's not a big deal.

once the carrots and lemon are soft and the tomatoes have kind of melted into the other stuff, use a potato masher to smush everything together. the lemon will be all soft and will just mix in with everything else easily. you can also use a food processor or immersion blender if you are not poor like me. although i do like the texture you get with the potato masher.

then let it cool and put it in a jar in the fridge. it should keep at least a week or so, i imagine.

and yes, i did put it in a gin & tonic and yes, it was delicious.

for a nice salad dressing, add a tablespoon of carrot jam to a couple of teaspoons of olive or other oil and a teaspoon or so of dijon mustard. add water to thin it out and that's it! it's good on those salads with cheese in them - like goat cheese or blue cheese and walnuts.

it would also make a fine sandwich spread for turkey or duck or a salmon burger or things of that nature.

you can also just eat it out of the jar.

spicy greexican tzatziki

we are so lucky to have mint thriving in the backyard - it was here when we moved in and i have done nothing to it but pick it sometimes and yet it's thick and fragrant and seemingly neverending. i do a lot of things with it - for the kentucky derby we made juleps and i often smash some leaves and put them in sparking water for a little extra flavor. this is the first time this season that i have made tzatziki with it, though.
usually tzatziki is made with greek yogurt, garlic, cucumber, some olive oil, and sometimes mint and/or lemon. we have a lot of cilantro that i didn't want to waste, though, so i added that and also half of a jalapeño (which is what makes it rather greexican). i also added capers, because they are good and because they add a briny insouciance to everything they touch.

so you can do this any number of ways, but i started with about 3/4 cup of greek yogurt. i grated one medium garlic clove into it, using this kind of cheesy small-holed grater from ikea. honestly, it is kind of a poor quality grater, and i should have used the microplane for the garlic, but my laziness and disinterest in washing dishes won out.

i used the same grater to grate the cucumber (this was like 1/3 of one of those english/hothouse ones and i didn't peel it) and half of the jalapeño. you could definitely use more if you like - i was going for a not-crazy level of spiciness.

then i used the ol' kitchen scissors to cut the cilantro and mint into the rest of the stuff, added a little salt and pepper, and stirred it up.

that is it! so easy! all i had to wash were the scissors and the grater! i win.

it is good to make this ahead of time so that the flavors have a chance to get acquainted and meld together a bit. nothing too crazy - just an hour or so if possible. but it is good right away, too.
we are going to eat this on chicken sausages and garlicky mustard and turnip greens wrapped in pitas. there may be some feta involved, too. however, it would also be good on tacos or as a dip for crackers or vegetables, or on gyros, etc., if that is something you enjoy.

*ingredients*

3/4 cup greek yogurt

1/3 of an english cucumber

1 small handful of cilantro

6 or 7 (or more) mint leaves

1 medium clove of garlic

1/2 of a jalapeño

up to 1 tablespoon capers (depending on your love of them)

salt and pepper to taste

the rapture (!)

soooo, we are all eagerly awaiting the rapture, right?
that special time when ... okay, i looked it up, but i kind of don't understand or want to understand it, so i think it is when the besties are allowed up to heaven and all the other losers are left here to loot and wallow in our own filth.

anywho, i thought i was going to have a thing about cold-brewed coffee, which is delicious regardless of your faith (uh, sorry mormons, but i am 99% sure that it would be good with decaf), but the rapture! has come upon us! like (as i was reading somewhere earlier) new year's eve! you can watch asia celebrate, then europe, then new york, etc., as you await your own party-time.

now that i am in a fairly western time zone (portlandia ftw!) i am looking forward to watching the rapture unfold tomorrow as more easterly nations rise and fall with the coming of ... and here is where i should have read a thing about it and didn't care to...

but! if you are not that concerned, or if you are concerned enough to want a drink in hand while awaiting whatever fate Fate decides to bestow upon us, you could actually do worse than the drink, "the rapture."

seriously, i am as surprised as anyone. this was originally intended to be the sad combination of a joke and an excuse to buy bourbon, but in fact it is really delicious.

here it is (as evidenced in the above picture): bourbon (because kentucky is the home of the creation museum, featuring adam and eve and dinosaurs frolicking, as the new yorker has so astutely mentioned); sriracha (aka rooster sauce) for the hellfires that will perhaps burn the unfaithful; lime, for the sour taste that will be left in the mouths of those who must loot to survive and will never taste heaven's ambrosia; and coke, because it is coke and is all-american and sweet, to boot.

seriously, i never thought this would be good, but in fact it is(-ish).

so, if you want a cocktail to ease the transition to a new world order, you could do worse than the rapture.

take a measure (whatever measure you fancy) of bourbon (early times was on sale! end times!) and add a squirt (not too crazy-big, unless you really like vinegar and hotness) of sriracha and a larger squirt (perhaps even up to a half's-worth) of lime, stir, then fill with good ol' coca cola and some ice.

it totally sounds gross, but it is actually ... pretty good. we were all surprised. maybe this rapture thing won't be so bad.

***just so everyone's on the same page, this was pretty good in the sense that it was not totally nasty. however, in the interest of full disclosure, i only had like 1/2 of one. but it was a drinkable 1/2. i don't think you want to go out and buy all the stuff just to make this, though.

until, apparently, next october! can't wait!
*ingredients*

bourbon

coca cola

lime

sriracha
ice!